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What would Mister Rogers say to children in these strange, difficult, and uncertain times? It can be difficult to understand how a child’s mind works: I am often thrown off by how my 3-year-old makes brilliant and disjointed logical leaps, with wild emotions, good and bad, that cloud his view of the world. It can be difficult to know what to do with all those knotty feelings and ideas, especially in times of global stress, with all the normalcy temporarily reduced by the coronavirus pandemic. <\/p>\n
How can we talk to our children when we feel the same fears and frustrations as children? How do we make children feel safe and secure, while giving them space to share their feelings? How do you talk to a child in his own language? And, perhaps more importantly, how do you understand them when they respond?<\/p>\n
Mr. Rogers knew how to talk to children, in part because the brilliant child psychologist Dr. Margaret McFarland was her mentor. Working in the shadow of Benjamin Spock during and after his tenure in Pittsburgh (and his work would not be nearly as old), McFarland focused on explanation. He understood that to a child, a bee is not just a bee. It is an existential threat. He gave Fred Rogers this insight and insight into the complex interplay of language and emotion, as experienced by children (which he derived in part from his research on the interactions of mothers with their children). McFarland helped rework much of the text of the Mr Rogers place <\/i>and the results speak for themselves: This show has been hypnotizing children for decades.<\/p>\n
Naturally, those close to Fred Rogers credit him with inventing the language he speaks. He didn’t. Neither did McFarland. They read it, and Rogers became the most prominent American to speak it publicly and fluently. This language eventually became known to the KQED staff, there Mr Rogers place<\/em> photographed, as Freddish. In short, it is the language of children.<\/p>\n Like any language, Freddish is not just a collection of words. Grammar comes with it. Habits, too. It’s easy to think that Mister Rogers was experimenting with plain speaking – and that certainly helped – but it was his clarity and inclusiveness that set him apart. The sentence was always precise, never clouded by carelessness or stress. The slow pace, defined by all those pauses, allowed the children watching space to think, look, and respond.<\/p>\n I Mr Rogers place <\/i>The staff were so impressed with Rogers’ ability to communicate with the children that they wrote a translation book. Written in a humorous, yet incredibly accurate way, “Let’s Talk Freddish,” it offers nine communication instructions that serve as a guide to talking to young children in a way that promotes understanding and comfort.<\/p>\n Rules, from Maxwell King’s The Good Neighbor: The Life and Work of Fred Rogers<\/i>they are like this…<\/p>\n A manual is a great tool to use when working with your child. I may not be able to go through the entire nine-step process or have the time \u2014 or, let’s face it, the emotional energy \u2014 to talk as thoughtfully as Rogers does. But even remembering one guideline, which is what I’m starting with, makes a difference.<\/p>\n In many languages, translation is a matter of matching similar words with similar functions. Translating into Freddish, however, is about identifying feelings and relationships as well as words. The goal is to communicate a clear sense of purpose and provide support while also presenting a vision. The emergence of an adult’s thought in Freddish speech would look, in our house, something like this\u2026.<\/p>\n I have a lot to learn when it comes to talking to my daughter: I don’t sound like Number 9. But I have a lot to learn about listening – something Mr Rogers also knew how to do. Watch any episode and you will see and hear Rogers leaving a quiet space around his words for the children to respond or watch; making the most of simple, open-ended comments like \u201cOh,\u201d allowing children to draw their own conclusions; asking a lot of questions, which gives children the opportunity to participate in the conversation and feel – surprisingly, for a TV show – that the attention is on them.<\/p>\n The departure of Mr Rogers place<\/em> it can make the show difficult to watch. It’s slow going. But that slowness is a product of discipline, and that behavior brings benefits. Accepting that slow and intentional communication is very difficult, but when I master this strategy, I can see my daughter responding. He stops using his favorite babysitting phrase – “You stepped on my words” – and starts talking directly as he senses that I’m listening and not jumping around.<\/p>\n I stopped asking my daughter, “What is it?” when he showed me the painting. I ask him to tell me about it – and he does. I am beginning to clearly explain what I am asking of him and the reason why. I’m learning to wait while he finds the right words to describe his play food “hair ketchup” pouring on his head. It can be confusing at times, a little bit for others, but I understand that my job is to sort through what comes out, and Freddish helps. Asking questions helps. Silence helps.<\/p>\n This article was originally published Freddish 101<\/b><\/h3>\n
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Translated into Freddish<\/b><\/h3>\n
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How to Listen to Kids Like Fred Rogers<\/b><\/h3>\n