“Our bodies communicate with us clearly and directly, if we are willing to listen.” ~ Shakti Gawain<\/strong><\/p>\n As a child, I was never taught to control my emotions. Instead I learned to let go\u2014suppressing depression, swallowing tears, even hiding the plaster from dinner, afraid that showing what had happened to me would create anger instead of caring.<\/p>\n In my late teens, I used drugs and alcohol to control my emotions. It was easy to feel helpless without being overwhelmed by emotions that I didn’t know what to do with.<\/p>\n This turned into a ten year drug addiction until I finally got sober after hitting the mud and realizing I needed help. I was cut off from my family, I turned to sex work for money, and I was living in my car and couch surfing for months when I finally realized that I couldn’t go on living like this and I needed to start dealing with the emotions and trauma in order to move forward.<\/p>\n But, when I sobered up, the feelings came back strong and deep, especially with ten years of bad decisions piled on top of unprocessed childhood trauma. I had great anxiety and shame and guilt about what I had done to my body, what I had done to my money, and what I had allowed others to do to me.<\/p>\n With the emotions also came a laundry list of health problems, including severe PMS and bowel problems.<\/strong><\/p>\n I felt out of control of my body and saw doctor after doctor with no answers\u2014only medication to ease my symptoms. I had just learned to live without drugs, and I didn’t want to start adding them, even if they were from a doctor now.<\/p>\n At first, I thought that physical and emotional problems were separate. I mean, how can the two be related? But, as I went from doctor to doctor without the slightest relief from any of my problems, I began to do my research and explore other ways to find healing and not go back to life on the streets addicted to heroin.<\/p>\n It didn’t take long for me to see my body and my feelings weren’t different at all. Suppressing or ignoring feelings had left my nervous system on alert, my hormones in chaos, and my gut rebelling. Every mood swing, every bout of fatigue, every digestive upset was my body talking\u2014talking loudly\u2014because I hadn’t learned to listen.<\/p>\n It wasn’t a supplement, a therapist, or a new diet that started to change things\u2014it was actually lingering feelings I’d spent decades moving away from.<\/strong><\/p>\n The first time I really let myself feel the anger, sadness, and even shame I had buried, my body shook as if it had been holding its breath for years. I still remember doing a hip opener yoga class and just burst into tears. My body finally felt safe enough to release some of what had been buried.<\/p>\n I was finally coming to grips with all my feelings about the abuse I experienced, the decision to go into sex work to make money for drugs, and my choices and their consequences\u2014including stealing family and destroying relationships.<\/p>\n As I lived with these feelings, I finally recognized the sexual and emotional abuse that occurred as a child and connected the dots from this early abuse to the abuse I continued to allow in my life.<\/p>\n My hormones didn’t magically stabilize overnight, and my gut didn’t just stop protesting, but for the first time, I wasn’t fighting. against<\/em> me. I was listening.<\/strong><\/p>\n I learned that my physical symptoms were not separate from my emotions. Every headache, every sleepless night, every PMS mood swing was a message. And every time I tried to “push” instead of hearing, the message got louder.<\/p>\n Over time, I started small: I allowed myself to cry innocently and finally say no to things and people that were draining me. For example, I realized that I no longer wanted to continue the successful marketing business I had built because it forced me to take care of people I didn’t even want to be in the same room with. I was no longer willing to keep quiet or tolerate wrong just for the sake of keeping the peace.<\/p>\n I also started journaling to process negative thoughts that went back to childhood\u2014thoughts about not being good enough, being too weird and out there, and feeling the need to hide my true self in order to fit in and fit in with people.<\/p>\n It was scary at first\u2014I felt unbound, exposed, and completely vulnerable\u2014but slowly, my body began to relax. My mood swings softened, my gut began to settle, and I felt like I was finally living my life instead of running from it.<\/p>\n I realized that the very thing I was afraid of\u2014my emotions\u2014was actually the key to my healing. Hearing was not a weakness. It was information. A compass that points me to balance, understanding and understanding, and what I now see as my dharma (soul purpose).<\/strong><\/p>\n In Ayurveda, we talk about honoring the natural rhythms of the body\u2014energy cycles, the shifts of vata, pitta, and kapha\u2014and listening to what your body really needs at each moment. Suppressing your emotions is like trying to swim upstream against your current: it disrupts your flow, creates imbalance, and can make your hormones and digestion go haywire.<\/p>\n When I allowed myself to feel, honor my inner shifts, and create daily rituals that supported my natural rhythm\u2014warm nutrition, gentle movement, quiet meditation, and an early night\u2014my nervous system slowly began to stabilize. My hormones became stronger, my gut calmed down, and I finally felt like I was living in harmony with my life instead of constantly fighting it.<\/p>\n Suppressing your emotions may feel safe in the short term, but in the long run, your body will react. Listening, feeling, and respecting yourself\u2014that’s where true living comes from. Your body speaks. Will you answer?<\/p>\n
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