“Mom, I can’t go,”
I heard my 16 year old son say as he walked down the hall.
I was loading the dishwasher and the dryer beeped. The usual screaming that happened in my head at 5 o’clock continued. Routines, homework, a bunch of things that had been asked to be removed days ago were all in front of me.
“Mom, I can’t walk.”
He said again, this time I heard the sound of his voice stopping the internal noise.
What was he talking about? His younger brother’s baseball game. Should we eat with his grandparents?
I looked at him and shot back. “Where, where can’t you go, Hunter?”
“I can’t go on Spring Break, Mom. I can’t go with you guys.”
A myriad of emotions flew through my being as I processed his words.
In the past, we have always been able to plan our trips around him and his commitments. His younger brother and sister are 7 and 8 years younger than him, so they had a flexible or unconstrained schedule. But, now that they are old, their little life has grown to be easier.
“What do you mean you can’t walk?”
I came across as angry as if he had control or choice over the statement. This was a family trip we had planned for seven months.
Big. Expensive. One where memories will be made, gosh darnit!
This Spring break, we decided to step outside the norm and show our kids the world of the mountainous west. Skiing, snowboarding, tubing, all things snow! We were hoping for some serious quality time together in a new and amazing place we had never explored before: Colorado.
I took a deep breath as I looked at his face and – at that moment – I saw a young man standing in front of me. My short-haired, short-haired boy was not only standing taller than me, but also jumping fast and furiously into a new chapter of his life. One that I didn’t see myself as a part of as I thought I would be.
I had heard of teenage years and the idea of only having 18 summers. Gosh, I wish I had a summer of 18. But, guess what… you’re lucky if you get an 18.
For some, about 12 summers. 12. 12 Spring Breaks. When he reached the teenage years, we were met with obligations. More importantly. Also, the voice inside my head told me that I should follow the support I always told her, “If you commit, you should see everything!!”
Commitment aside, when he’s 12/13 or so, kids start having them opinions about how they want to spend their time. Maybe you can make them go… but they won’t be happy about it.
How have I been going along without seeing this coming?
Because: life.
Because every morning, I wake up and look forward to tear through the insurmountable daily obligations: take here, take them, wash the uniform, someone has a field trip, the dog ate the shin guard and the ball tonight, one child needs an orange shirt on Thursday but hates orange and does not have one, three children need the last time when they are looking for a parent in three places, and there they are. again?
My head hits the pillow and…wash, wash, repeat.
So I didn’t see it coming.
Sixteen years of “wash, wash, repeat” stopped when I realized that I couldn’t come back even one day.
Not one day.
Not one week.
Not spring break or Christmas, summer or little league.
And now, not a chance to take a trip.
That stupid Facebook post that I’ve seen a million times boggles my mind… the days go by slow but the years go by fast. It’s that simple. It’s that simple.
I looked into his eyes and saw that this was as difficult for him as it would be for the four of us. Maybe even harder. I said I was sorry, but we both knew that there were no words yet, or maybe, that would help.
He explained that during that week there was a tournament that he felt he could not miss. It wasn’t forced or because his coach made him feel he had to be. It was because he knew it was the right decision.
I hugged her and said, “We’ll figure it out,” knowing full well, it was ridiculous.
That night, I fell asleep thinking about all the years that had passed when we had reasons to delay or postpone the trip: finance (travel is expensive!), time and work and of course, the Mother of Life.
As I continued to lay there, I couldn’t help but think about my little ones and what I wanted to (immediately) change about the years I had left with them.
Take a trip. Just take a trip.
I thought about missed opportunities and regrets. I’m not one to focus on what I should have and what I can have because I truly believe if we raise kind, happy children, it’s okay to miss out on a lot of things.
But this one really upset me.
If only we would stop for a moment and see the full value of the gift of traveling as a family.
While I will never forget leaving a piece of my heart at home on the flight to Colorado, it ended up being a valuable lesson and a trip that may have changed the course of my daughter’s life. This humble and anxious 9-year-old child, with no self-confidence, found himself skiing the mountain as if he had been raised on it.
“Hello Mom!!!” He waved and smiled brightly the day after finishing ski school. “I’m moving to Colorado when I grow up and I’m going to be a ski instructor!”
With that, he went to jump on the snowboard after watching any fear back at the gate.
Was it the child I knew and loved for 9 years? Does that really just happen? In one week, my daughter changed. All because of the trip.
Days and then weeks (and eventually months) after our ski trip, it became clear to me how much impact travel can have on children, families, spouses, and friends.
Maybe it’s a quick getaway or maybe it’s a once-in-a-lifetime family bucket list destination. Or maybe a long weekend to reconnect with your spouse. Whatever it is, just take a trip.
A tour, a trip, whatever you want to call it, is an experience. They are memories that each of us will take with us no matter where life takes us. They can be impactful, life-changing.
As I reflect on the last sixteen years of motherhood, I have a few deep takeaways.
It is not what our children can hold that they will remember, it is what they have he heard.
Memories and adventures are not left in the toy box or on the shelf. They are not under the bed collecting dust or eventually thrown into the donation bag. They are not completed as our children enter a new age and stage of maturity. These memories are quietly stored in the part of their hearts and minds that make their presence known throughout their lives, helping to shape who they are and who they will become.
So where are you going this year?
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Jen Grove is a travel consultant Life and Magic Family Vacations ~ Cruises, Beaches and All-Inclusives
Email him or check him out on Facebook to start planning your family’s dream vacation.
