I found it difficult and confusing to return to work after the birth of my child. On the other hand, I found parts of office life somewhat absurd when faced with my new important role at home: Many meetings of questionable merit, for example, did not stand up to scrutiny. I still wanted to be at home, where I belonged indeed what is needed. But I also found that I was able to focus on my work and do it well with a new sense of clarity and purpose. I had no time to waste; I found that decisions are easy to make. Being at work was strangely refreshing.
But every father’s journey is different. And every father faces different challenges when returning to work. Some in strict workplaces struggle with the stigma, from other co-workers, that childcare is only a mother’s job. Others face something very simple: Trying to be productive when faced with a small amount of sleep.
So, how should you approach returning to work after paternity leave? What’s the best way to get back into it without feeling like you’re miles behind everyone else? Here, with the help of family leave experts, are seven ways to put your best foot forward when you return to work.
1. Plan Ahead
Your return to work will be made much easier if you already have a plan in place for how you will do your old jobs – and/or find new ones. It’s important to have those conversations with your manager and co-workers before you take a break.
“This does two things,” said David G. Smith, author of Nice Guys: How Men Can Be Better Partners at Work. “First, it instills in people’s minds the expectation that you’re going to come back and commit — that this is normal caregiving as a father. Second, it sets the expectation that you may need some flexibility moving forward.”
The point is: It is unlikely that you will do your job the same way you did before you became a father. And that’s good. You change, and so should your work.
2. Take Baby Steps
This is simple: When you return to work, try to avoid starting on Monday of the five-day week. Start on Wednesday so you can get back to work. Better yet, postpone your return for a few weeks.
“Trying to do everything at once is a bad idea to have when returning to work after a long layoff,” says Richard J. Petts, Professor of Sociology at Ball State. You will never stop working. So, starting with a short week and knowing that you won’t get everything done quickly can put you in the right frame of mind.
3. Be Transparent
When you return to work, be prepared to set a boundary up front. You may need to make it clear to your co-workers that you won’t be staying up past six, or that you’ll be leaving at 4:30 to pick up your child from daycare.
“You want to be open early and set your expectations early. You should probably talk more with your coworkers,” Smith said. While you may be thinking about your new roles at home while the project is being rolled out, don’t take your co-workers for granted.
4. Find Focus Wherever (And Whenever) You Can
It can be difficult to draw the line between work and family obligations, especially if you still work from home, and even if your partner is trying to give you some space. It can be difficult, say, to focus on filling out a report while the baby is crying and your partner needs a break. Therefore, you may have to work odd hours, like late at night or early in the morning – whenever you can find focus.
“When I was a new parent, I felt myself trying to be more efficient at my job, knowing the new importance of ‘work’,” said Chris Knoester, Associate Professor of Sociology at Ohio State University. “But definitely, you just have to fake it until you make it and do the best you can under the circumstances.”
5. Suggest Adaptable Solutions
While you’ll want to communicate to co-workers and management that your life outside of work has changed, you shouldn’t just walk out of a meeting at five o’clock and say, “Sorry, I’m not doing that anymore.” Because of course, it’s not. Instead, try to be proactive about proposing flexible models.
“If a big project comes up and you’re asked to stay a few hours late, ask to leave a few hours early the next day,” says Petts. “You show that being a father is your priority, but your work is still important to you.”
6. Back to Basics
When you return to work, you may find it helpful to rely on management techniques such as informing coworkers that you only answer emails during certain windows of the day, such as eight to nine and four to five. In addition, Amit Kramer, Dean of the School of Labor and Employment Relations at the University of Illinois, says you may need to de-prioritize your work for a while.
“You want to focus on the important parts of your job — what you’re measured on in your performance appraisal — and not the peripheral parts, like committees or outside meetings.”
7. Face the truth
Having a baby (or having another) will undoubtedly expand your daily to-do list. If you’re lucky, you’ll have the equivalent of a very full focus. But you will also have corridors of brain fog. So set reasonable goals.
“Resolving competing expectations, especially between work and family, involves difficult decisions,” says Knoester. “To do everything is impossible. So do your best.”
