The first month with a baby changes life in ways that are hard to describe. While there is a lot of scientific research to support the idea that fathers rewire their brains by having a baby, the biggest change is that your concept of time is changed forever. And that’s why, at the beginning of your child’s life, you need to take a break. Taking paternity leave is one of the most important things a father can do, not only for his partner and child, but for themselves. This may seem obvious on paper, but most men who are able to access the benefits of proper paternity leave end up not taking advantage of it.
Don’t be a statistic. Your time will be more valuable to you than ever before when you become a parent. And paternity leave is the only buffer you have for you and your family to adjust to the new normal.
Here’s how dads should encourage paternity leave, and what to do with your time when it happens.
Maternity Leave Must Be Granted
Regardless of your job or pay structure, a conversation with your employer about leave should not be a question of permission, it should be a discussion of how much time you take. There may be some legal questions about what your state is obligated to provide, so definitely do your homework first. But, even when there is no clear parental leave policy, you should not ask for time off, but rather, approach the conversation as a conversation about how much time is appropriate for you, versus what makes sense for your job.
If your employer already has a maternity leave policy, the time you must take should be the maximum amount offered. “But I don’t need all that time?” you say. Well, maybe you do.
You’ll end up needing more parenting time, and you’ll have to negotiate new relationships and work. This is one of the many things paternity leave does. From now until the end of time you will have someone else’s schedule on your mind. This will affect your work schedule – not for better or for worse, it will have an impact – and paternity leave is your change in this new combination of schedules. In other words, you set an example with your work. Do you want it to be sustainable? If so, take paternity leave.
Paternity Leave is the Ultimate Career Pivot
No matter how you think about your career, having a child is, without a doubt, a pivot point in it. Before now, work-life balance was a theory; It’s a calculation of how many drinks you can have during happy hour compared to how hungover you can be the next day. Having a baby makes all these preconceived notions seem strange. Therefore, the best way to think of paternity leave is as a transition from one type of work to the next.
In your past life, you managed your time and money, perhaps, with a shoulder and a “good enough” attitude. But parenting is not. Everything you do, from meeting deadlines to taking out the trash, matters a lot. Good isn’t really good anymore. Yes, you will make mistakes. That’s what parenting is all about. But it’s also not the same as work. You don’t come in and out. If you think you’ll suddenly have a break from parenting, you won’t.
This is why time management is so important – and why you need to take paternity leave to plan your new schedule. Because you are not at work, you are able to live in this time of change. It’s weird. It’s difficult. But without paternity leave, you won’t be able to process it.
Homework and Less Obvious Work to Do
Unless you are the primary caregiver for a child, most of the time you will have a job that will turn out to be more important than you realize—cleaning. When it comes to bottles, breast pumps, new baby clothes, and bedding, keeping everything clean during those early months is important. If your wife used to be the one who did your laundry, or took care of your dirty dishes, those days are over.
Here’s a hot tip: Do you still have your apron from when you waited tables? Don’t you have an apron? Get an apron. Preferably one with pockets. It’s great for storing bottles, used clothes, diapers, and everything else to keep your home healthy.
Embrace Your New Relationship With Sleep
When you add it all up, parents lose about six years of sleep when they have a child. This won’t be magically resolved when your child turns six, however. But the weird sleeping patterns you have in those first few weeks are truly hell. The only way to deal with this is to accept it as soon as possible. Again, this is one of the reasons why paternity leave is so important. Both you and your partner will have to come up with a temporary sleep schedule so you don’t lose your mind.
The sooner you realize that feeding and caring for a baby is like working an endless double shift, the better. If you slept in a few seats pushed together in the delivery room when your baby was born, the first month or two is not much different from that. It gets better, but the sooner you realize how bad it is, the better.
Take photos. Hold Your Child
Your partner may be more tired than you. So, in between all the cleaning, helping, and wrestling in your mind with your burning id, you have to remember how important this time is. Yes, take a ton of photos. No, you will never regret taking a million photos of your baby’s newborn. If anything, these pictures will become even more amazing to you as the years go by. You are lucky to live in a time where you have a movie studio in your pocket. Take advantage of it. Pay for additional phone data. Get those digital photos printed onto albums in no time. It’s all worth it.
But if you’re not a supportive parent, when you don’t think about how your whole life is different, the best thing you can do is hold your child as much as possible. You’ve probably heard of the “ball” grip by now, the thing where you can put your baby in the crook of your arm. This is one of the coolest things ever, and it may seem like it will never end, but you won’t believe how fast time flies.
Newborn babies sleep all the time. Yes, statistically, they will do most of that sleeping with mom. But you’re on paternity leave for one big reason, the reason that’s more important than all the other reasons: You need to put that kind on your chest, and in your arms, and make sure this little person knows you’re safe with you, forever.
